I am our man on the inside (i have an account).

This is for posting brilliant stuff you find on uncyclopedia.

Found at uncyclopedia.wikia.com

I'm the one who told you about uncyclopedia.
I love it!!! Its basically a skit on wikipedia which I'm sure almost everyone has been on.

Quotes attributed to the good Admiral (Ackbar)

“It's a trap!”
~ Admiral Ackbar on traps

“That's no moon, that's Luke's mama”
~ Admiral Ackbar on Padme's Obesity

“What'chu know bout traps?!”
~ Admiral Ackbar on traps

“It's a completely safe situation!”
~ Admiral Ackbar on Traps on Opposite Day

“It's a Jap!”
~ Admiral Ackbar Fighting in world war 2

“It's a Gap!”
~ Admiral Ackbar points out where the Imperial fleet is at its weakest

“It's a Crab!”
~ Admiral Ackbar finds out what bit his toe on the beach

“It's a Tran!”
~ Admiral Ackbar Finding Chewbacca in a bikini.

“It's a lap!”
~ Admiral Ackbar on the top of your thighs

“It's a large Crap!”
~ Admiral Ackbar going to the Home ones only toilet.

“It's a trap card!”
~ Admiral Ackbar on Yu-Gi-Oh

“It's a tap!”
~ Admiral Ackbar on plumbing

“It's a complex mega hyper-hedron!”
~ Admiral Ackbar on nuclear fission

“And I tap 4 mana!”
~ Admiral Ackbar on MTG

“It's a trap!”
~ Allah Ackbar on anything

“It's a track!”
~ Admiral Ackbar on railways

“It's a Von Trapp!”
~ Admiral Ackbar on The Sound of Music

Admiral Ackbar and his good friend, Figrin D'an“It's a tarp!”
~ Admiral Ackbar on pitching a tent

“OMFG 1t'5 4 tr4p u n00b lol”
~ Admiral Ackbar on leetspeak

“One time my Detect Traps crit, and I realized the rebuilt Death Star was fully operational.”
~ Admiral Ackbar on World of Warcraft

“It's crap!”
~ Admiral Ackbar on This article

“It's a load of crap!!”
~ Admiral Ackbar on Wikipedia

“!part a s'tI”
~ rabkcA larimdA on lasreveR

“In Soviet Russia, Trap Is You!”
~ Russian Reversal on Traps

“Our taste buds can't repel flavor of that magnitude!”
~ Admiral Ackbar on Admiral Ackbar Cereal

“It's a snap!”
~ Admiral Ackbar on Traps for Dummies

“It's a... aw, hell, you know the drill.”
~ Admiral Ackbar on traps

“We should have listened to him all these years...”
~ Oscar Wilde on Admiral Ackbar

“It's a trapface”
~ Admiral Ackface on traps

It's an Infidel!“It's a carp!”
~ Admiral Ackbar on Fish spotting

“It's a Tram!”
~ Admiral Ackbar on San Francisco

“It's a strap!”
~ Admiral Ackbar on shoes

“It's a hat!”
~ Admiral Ackbar on er...hats...

“It's craps!”
~ Admiral Ackbar on gambling

“It's a Trachea”
~ Admiral Ackbar on The Digestive System

“It's a frappe?!”
~ Admiral Ackbar on Brigham's

“It's a Tramp!”
~ Admiral Ackbar on Your Mom

“It's a Prat!”
~ Admiral Ackbar on You

“It's a Jihad!”
~ Admiral Ackbar on United States of America

“It's a Trap!”
~ Admiral Ackbar on Your Mom's vagina

“Sit a Tarp!”
~ Admiral Ackbar on Dyslexia

“Ackbar's fish sticks from the sea,they cook so tender and flaky, whip some up for you and me, to pass them up would be a big mistak-ey”
~ Frigrin D'an and the Modal Nodes on New Admiral Ackbar's Fish Sticks

Dangers of Alcohol

Alcohol often comes with many warnings about its negative effects. These are some of the most common ones -

Warning: may make you think you are whispering when you are not.
Warning: (according to Mel Gibson) may make you say that you hate things that you really don't (But maybe he just didn't read the above warning).
Warning: is a major factor in dancing like an asshole.
Warning: may cause you to tell the same boring story over and over again until your friends want to SMASH YOUR FUCKING HEAD IN.
Warning: may cause you to thay shings like thish.
Warning: may lead you to believe that ex-lovers are really dying for you to telephone them at four in the morning.
Warning: may leave you wondering what the hell happened to your pants.
Warning: may make you think you can logically converse with other members of the opposite sex.
Warning: may cause you to roll over in the morning and see something really scary.
Warning: may cause you to roll over in the morning and fall off your bed.
Warning: may cause you to roll over in the morning and fall out of a bed belonging to something really scary.
Warning: may cause you to fall over then loose interest in the cute drunk blonde girl to your left, then wander of with your pants around your ankles.
Warning: may create the illusion that you are tougher, smarter and more handsome than some really, really big guy named FRANTZ.
Warning: may cause you to leave the party with a large man named Franz.
Warning: may cause you to announce you want to be dressed up like bigbird and treated badly.
Warning: may lead you to think people are laughing WITH you.
Warning: may cause you to compare penis size with all your friends then get your mom to come judge.
Warning: may cause you to wake up with a toilet plundger up your ass.
Warning: may cause you to urinate on and then afix through freezing, ham to your neighbour's car.
Warning: may cause an influx in the time-space continuum, whereby small (and sometimes large) gaps of time may seem to literally disappear.
Warning: may actually cause pregnancy.
Warning: may actually **** up pregnancy.
Warning: may cause you to beer goggle like a motherfucker making even that large burly guy in the corner seem almost pretty enough to....
Warning: may cause you to vomit on all your friends and result in jaundice and possible broken kneecaps.
Warning: may cause you to think that you feel sick and make you stop drinking. If this happens, remember that you don't really feel sick, you just think you do because you're drunk.
Warning: may cause appearance of thumbtacks in places they REALLY shouldent be.
Warning: may cause you to proclaim love for that guy sitting to your right, despite the fact you slept with his little sister and make jokes about his mum behind his back
Warning: may cause you to confess to that guy sitting to your right, despite the fact you slept with his little sister and made jokes about his mum behind his back
Warning: may cause you to think "Dirty Dancing" is a good movie.
Warning: may cause you to think "Step up 1 & 2" are good movies.
Warning: may cause to repeat loudly that you are, in fact, not drunk, and that there's no way you're such a fucking lightweight
Warning: may cause addiction against the will of religion. Churches provide red wine considerably "Jesus' blood" which is
very addictive and want you to come to church again and again to consume wine.

Warning: may cause a severe decrease in IQ, legibility, common sense, awareness, politeness, social skills, attractiveness and walking ability.
Warning: may cause you to burst into tears and begin declaring others, often strangers to be your best friends
Warning: may cause you to observe a toilet bowl for extended periods of time.
Warning: may cause you to sleep in embarrassing positions and/or with embarrassing people.
Warning: may cause you to believe that you can dance, when you actually can't at all.
Warning: may cause you to give crap advise on subjects on which you have absolutely no knowledge.
Warning: may cause you to believe crap advise you receive from others on subjects on which they have absolutely no knowledge.
Warning: may cause you to develop your own language that only you understand.
Warning: may cause you to think that you are the greatest thing since sliced bread.
Warning: may cause an inability to operate a vehicle, but an overwhelming desire to give it a go.
Warning: may cause words wrong out the come to in order.
Despite these warnings, Alcohol actually has no negative side effects whatsoever, trust us.

Good effects of alcohol
1. It makes you think you're always right
2. It makes people more attractive
3. It makes food you normally wouldn't touch taste amazing
4. It makes people you normally wouldn't touch taste amazing
5. It makes you amazing have fighting abilitys

Comedy
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.
Jump to: navigation, search
Please note before reading this article that comedy is a very serious matter and should be treated as such. This is a serious matter. And must be taken at a highly advised serious matter. Please also remember that this article banishes the viewpoint which treats comedy as a fictional cause of moments of insanity among humankind.

“Funny things make people laugh.”


~ Captain Obvious on Comedy
“Lmao! This sh** is mad funny!”

~ Oscar Wilde on this article
“We are not amused.”


~ Queen Victoria on anything funny
“fart”


~ comedy

Ninja



“I'm glad these bitches don't carry guns, wait, awww no....”

~ 50 Cent on Ninja

“Fire is burning,
Many people live in fear,
A ninja stalks you. ”

~ Haiku on Ninja

“Yeah, I've got longish hair and I'm wearing dark clothes. But that doesn't mean I'm a f***ing emo! Where's my katana?”

~ A drunken ninja on a night out

“Ninji are just like pirates except quicker, smarter, sneakier, and less drunk.”

~ Oscar Wilde on Ninja



Ninja Natural Habitat

A room full of ninjas.If you're trying to find a ninja, (make sure you have a written will and you've said goodbye to everybody you love, unless you can bribe a ninja or beg him to be your slave) these are the places they're most commonly found, how do I know? Well let's just say I've lost a lot of interns.

Behind you
In front of you
Near you
Around you
Under you
Inside you
On top of you
Between you
In the shadows of you and your loved ones
The tree in your backyard
Inside your mind
On this page
In small villages
In your bath tub (under the bubbles!)
Anywhere you can't see
In your refrigerator
Adjacent to your car keys
In your pajamas, right next to the elephant

Hey everyone, I've got a quest for you! Lets rename 'Completely random topics and fun.' It needs a proper name, just like Uncyclopedia has, except better of course. So start thinking of your names and post them up!

Hmmm...So this is just a comedy of wikipedia? I got to check this out soon...

sean calling it a quest makes it sound really stupid.

Calling you the drunken hobo makes you sound really stupid. Fine then, it's a task. Happy now?

Tasks sound like a bad thing. You might as well call it a chore.

Anyway it doesn't matter what its called, just do it!

Tony Jaa Facts
Fact 1: Tony Jaa is so awesome that he is even winning The Game when he is thinking about The Game.

Fact 2: He will kick/punch/knee/elbow/face/toe/finger you in the face.

Fact 3: The next time you say a "your mom" joke Tony Jaa will rip your heart out and eat it for breakfast. Even if it's dinner time.

Fact 4: God is just Tony Jaa's seat warmer.

Fact 5: Tony Jaa is standing right behind you. ALWAYS.

Fact 6: Tony Jaa can win a game of Connect 4 in 3 moves. No questions asked.

Fact 7: Tony Jaa's real name is not Tony Jaa...if he told you his real name, people in a 50 mile radius would die from the amount of awesome.

Fact 8: Tony Jaa hates Spanish, make sure you speak Mexican when around him.

Fact 9: Tony Jaa can take Chuck Norris to water AND make him drink.

Fact 10: When the boogeyman goes to bed, he doesn't check his closet for Chuck Norris. He checks it for Tony Jaa.

Fact 11a: Every time an elephant dies Tony jaa dosen't cry; he kills.

Fact 11b: Every time an elephant is born Tony Jaa gets a royalty.

Fact 12: In Tony Jaa movies they don't say, "lights, camera, action!" - The director stabs Tony with a big knife.

Fact 13: Nothing motivates Tony Jaa as much as getting stabbed in the guts with a big knife; it makes him "snap".

Fact 14. Tony Jaa can jump over and under a moving car at the same time.

Fact 15. Martial Arts "quit" when Tony Jaa showed up. He is now Deputy Arts.

Fact 16. If an elephant-hater has 900 bones in his body, Tony Jaa can snap 1000 of them.

Fact 17. Tony Jaa is so awesome that he can actually "dodge" Jack Bauer.

Fact 18. Tony Jaa can jump off the Empire State Building, do 3000 back flips, and land on his tip-toes, ready to strike.

Fact 19. Tony Jaa never uses a stunt-double; stunt men use Tony Jaa.

Fact 20. By Reading this you have become a victim of Tony Jaa.

People and Things He's Killed
Note: These are the people we know of the list is growing right now.

1. Everybody whos laid hands on him.

2. All of his cast and crew members.

3. Cancer, AIDS, SuperAIDS.

4. Timo Ebert's Stay in Australia.

5. Actors who suck.

6. Soviet Union.

7. Hitler. Twice.

8. That guy with the hole in his throat in Ong Bak.

9. Jackie Chan.

10. N Sync.

11. Britney Spear's career.

12. 300 Spartan Warriors (Twice, with one blow).

13. Those pesky foreigners.

14. Bruce Willis.

15. The Early Bird that tried to steal his worm.

16. Me.

17. Jet Li (Three times... with two blows).

18. Wikipedia.

19. Cthulhu (Actualy not, because when dead he`s in fact sleeping...).

20. Oscar Wilde.

21. Sauron and everyone in "The Lord of The Rings".

22. John Cena.

23. Reversal Russia.

24. URSS.

25. USSR.

26. Stalin.

27. Lenin.

28. Two birds with no stone.

29. The superdevil

30. Gandhi

31. Optimus Prime and all Autobots.

32. Megatron and all Decepticons.

jake Chuck Norris is better than tony jaa
you say tony jaa can kill two birds with no stone well chuck can kill two stones with one bird
they used to call two pieces of wood connected by a chain nun-tylers then chuck came along nobody knows what happened to tyler.
a cobra once bit chuck norris' leg and after 5 days of agony, the cobra died.
He can make a rock so heavy even he cant lift it. then he lifts it anyway to show you hes better than tony jaa